Blame MyselfDrink myself into a comaPray that I don't wake from sleepEveryone is safer in my slumberI've nothing left but broken dreamsWishes to leave this God forsaken placeAnd yet I can't bring myself to leaveThe lives I'd effect, the hearts I'd breakLoved ones left behind to grieveSo I'll take another sip from this bottle of wineAnd hope that it will take me awayFor if I die it's not my faultMy family and friends, it's easier this wayPunish myself beyond all measureFor crimes I've committed, unwritten sinsTorture my soul a million times overBlaming myself for everythingDrink myself into a comaI just can't bring myself to leaveEveryone is safer in my slumberI blame myself for everything
BeatBehind my back,You stand,Talking,To others while,Fingering a blade,The blade that,Grazed my skin,Of my own accord,Now about to be,Shoved right back in,By yours,And the unheard words,Hurt more than,The ones that touch my ears,Licking at my thoughts,Like serpents' tongues,Ready to bite,And infect me with the,Venom,Of your feelings,Oh, the love,I once had for you,And the contempt,You hold for me,Smile at me,So tantalising,Then destroy me,In the same breath.
You. Me. Them.You. Me. Them.You say you're awful. To me your wonderful. To them you're sweet. To us you're Amazing.You say that you're nothing. To me you make me smile. To them you make them laugh. To us you're everything!You say you're just 'that' girl. To me you're THE girl. To them you're their girl. To us you're our sister!You say that you're upset. To me that's my cue. To them that's there spotlight. To us it's time to lend out our ears to you.I want to help you. They want to help you. We want to help you. Only because you are hurt.You say you feel alone. To me that hurts, I thought I was there. To them it hurts, because they can hold you. To us it breaks our hearts.You say you're guilty. To me, I say of what? To them they question the jury. To us we judge you: NOT GUILTY.You say you're heartless. To me you're warm and considerate. To them it's filled with only kindness and love. To us it's filled with passion.You say you're teased. To me, I say, Ignore the fools. To them it's there ch
ScarsI am scardBoth mentally and physicallyThere are scars all over my bodyThey are deep and speak of times much worse than theseEach one for a broken hear, a shattered friendship, a forgotten promiseThese wounds within my mindThey tear me apartThe bleed and pulse with pain just as much as they day they were wrought upon meThe flower of those i love has now rotted awayOnly the petals remain and the float all around meBut i can not touch themTheir they go, blown away in the subtle breezeHear me screamSee me burnNever shall i allow someone to be as beaten and rejected as meIf you feel pain as i doIf you bleed as i doIf you love as i doIf you have been rejected as i have beenTalk to meI shall helpEven if i must give my lifeI must helpI will help
KnifeCut me with your knifeCut out my heart and make me watch you tear it to piecesThen cut me until i am unrecognizableKeep cutting until there is no blood left to spillHear me screamNot out of painBut out of joyI deserve thisI deserve all the pain that has happenedSee the flower petals fall all around meWatch them fall onto my wounds and heal themSee them close and the blood dry and flake awayBut it is to lateFor i am already deadMy soul has vanishedHere comes death on skeleton wings
Shot DownWas I a fool to think that things weregoing to be different this time around?That maybe, just maybe you had really changedand wanted to make things right?At first I believed you; I let you in,and the walls I put up for so long gradually came downand I put our bad memories behind us.We rebuilt our relationship, and it filled me with a joyI hadn't felt for quite some time.I had my mom back.Or so I thought.No sooner had I convinced myself that your efforts were sinceredid your true colors begin to re-emerge.You built a false hope in me, then shot me downwhen I was most vulnerable.Leaving me crushed, disappointed.I'm no stranger to disappointment, however,I just never thought you'd be the oneto put me through it again.
The Way it WasShe's so happyRunning round in circlesLeaping to her daddy,Helping with her mummy.That's how it should be.Her friends watch in proud envyAs she has her first kiss.It's sweet andIt's heartfelt.That's how it should be.Now she's being taken awayKidnapped, taken prisoner.He beats her andHe rapes her.And that's how it's going to be.
FallenAn angelWith broken wingsA shattered haloWith a shattered soul.Broken from the fall.She fell fromSuch great heights.She couldn't reach anymore.It got to be too much.Then the expectationsTurned gravity on stronger.Failure shattered her wingsAnd she was left to fallWith no one to catch her.Pure white wings,Stained with blood and dirt.Her innocence left in the clouds.She doesn't belong down on the ground.The demons crawl out and surround herBefore long, they've consumed her.She can't fight them off.She's too weak,She's mourning her lost wings.She used to be perfect,Beautiful,flawless.Now she was just another monster.
Tomorrow Starts TodayI've got a list locked in my headA list of things I've never doneIt seems it's growing all the timeWhen will I feel like I've begun?Things can always be done tomorrowBut I know tomorrow starts todayIt's never fun when life passes you byI regret pissing my time awayMy days will quickly become memoriesDreams are my ideal waste of timeAction is what brings dreams to lifeWishing on stars becomes a crimeThe list inside my head grows every daySomehow I must sift through it allAnd only pick out the important thingsIf I carry too much I'll fallThere are things I've got to work for nowFor someone other then myselfThis time I'm going to have to growI'll pick my life up off the shelf
This Life Is But A DreamLiving in the moment isn't such a bad ideaBut over time even the moment grows coldIn life time flows like a river or streamAnd though we choose the course we are pulledIn hindsight my memories make more senseWhat I didn't understand is crystal clearSome days my life is so jumbled upI've come to learn things aren't how the appearIt seems my daily map has many jumping pointsAnd when I'm thrown around I just want to screamSomehow it's all wrapped up togetherMaybe it's true that this life is but a dreamSomehow the repetition stirs memories I've lostAnd like a person they've twisted over timeCertain aspects don't fit and it doesn't feel rightJust like a bar of soap all coated in grimeI've fallen asleep so many times I'm not sure if I'm awakeSomehow the pieces just don't fit togetherIf I am truly dreaming why did things turn out this wayYou'd think a dream is where you'd want to stay forever
For You...You are so strongTrying to handle everythingYou refuse to lean on anyoneIts tearing you apartI see what its doing to youI see how you're fallingI see you fading awayIts killing meThey say thingsThey do thingsYou sit there and take itYou just cant fight them offI cant take it anymoreSeeing you this wayI cant lose you like thisIm not going to let it continueYou matter too muchYou are worth too muchYou deserve betterYou are everything to meYou can trust meYou can lean on meYou can depend on meI wont let you downNobody is going to hurt youNobody will bother youYou can be happyAs long as im hereI know you want to do it allYou fear depending on someoneYou cant do it aloneYou dont have have to anymoreI can make you happyI can help youI can take care of youI can protect youAll you have to do my angel, is let me
Everybody Makes Mistakes.I'm black and blue-So stained from daddy number two.Split in half-I quietly whisper a baby's tune.Singing that nobody is perfect,We're simply human-Nothing more,Sometimes less.We're simply a gigantic mess-Going in a million directions.Counting to regain patience.Just trying to climb through life's sticky situations.We break promises;Ignoring the unwanted.We become bored quite often-Deciding we're not good enough.We think we're nothing;Just less than average.Complaining when it's hot,Hating that we sweat a lot.But not many know-What it's like,To truly be locked inside.You feel imperfect,So totally worthless.Counting sheep to fall asleep,Dreaming that nothing is sweet.Waking up with scratches upon your skin;Crying when soap falls into them-
UnpoeticI wish someone couldsee meSee through theliesThe excuses I makeup so I don't haveto bother anybodyI wish for respectFor someone wholistensWho doesn't do somethingthat hurts meInsults meRespect.A fighter.Someone who fights formeWhen the depression comesand drags me awaySomeone who willpull me backand hold onto meNever letting goI'm screaming.and everyone has theirback to meThey walk awayWhy?What is so wrong withme thatABSOLUTELY NOBODYloves me?Or can love me?I'm screaming at the topof my lungs, becauseI'm drowningGasping for air in awhirlpoolCrying out for help,and no ship in sight.
CasanovaHe is just a casanovaHe wont stand by youHe is just a sex addictOne night is all he wantsHe is just a snakeTricks you into thinking he loves youHe is just a theifWith one smile he will steal your heartOh, but he has feelings too!He is just ignorantHe will refuse to see the pain he causes youHe is just proudHe will put you down for his convenianceHe is just foolishHe will create you into his worst nightmareHe is not perfectHe is not sweetHe is not all the things he wants you to seeJust wait for his tounge to slipFor it will my dears it will
The Hardest Part...I never knew it was possibleto miss someone so much.Or that something as simple asa goodbye could be so hard.When we are apartThoughts of you fill my head,and I get lost in the memoriesof previous nights together.I long to be in your arms once again,resting my head on your shoulderwhile I fall asleep to the steady rhythmof your beating heart.I am overjoyed when these momentsonce more become reality,but dread the thought of theheart wrenching goodbye that is yet to come.As another wonderful evening comes to an endI hold you close, cherishing our last embracewishing you could stay here with me,and that this night would be everlasting.
All That I AmAll That I AmA monster, yet still humanA sinner, yet still a saintA liar, yet still truthfulA dog, yet still a beingA loser, yet still a winnerA creep, yet still normalA corps, yet still aliveA waste, yet still of valueA corrupter, yet still cleanA king, yet still a peasantA beggar, yet still richA curse, yet still a blessingA whore, yet still pureA ghost, yet still fleshA criminal, yet still honestA boaster, yet still humbleA bastard, yet still caringA nerd, yet still a jockA wimp, yet still strongA fool, yet still wiseAll these things I am at any given time, at any given day,I am proud to admit these and yet,I am sure to deny them all.